Instructions…

<voiceoverman>He’s in a funny mood, this won’t end well, I think he’s taking snipes at things again</voiceoverman>

How to find the toilets on the ground floor of the building I work in

The romans, along with irrigation, aqueducts and paved roads, invented the first toilets, the modern flushing toilet is commonly thought to have been designed by Thomas Crapper (see http://thomascrapper.co.uk/ for more details).  It is essential that you drink plenty of water, which is available for free by the coffee machine, to prevent kidney damage and other associated health issues. The disabled toilets feature a panic alarm, which will call security in case of an emergency, all you need to do is pull the RED cord.

We have a map available from the security office that will show the locations of all the rest rooms or you can ask a member of staff or call our helpdesk.

We do run regular training sessions on correct bathroom etiquette, check our events page for more information.

<voiceoverman>errm…. O.K.</voiceoverman>

just kidding, the toilets are located at each end of the building, if your facing a big tall bit of glass, walk forward, turn right at the double doors  and you have a choice of loo’s to use

<voiceoverman>idiot</voiceoverman>

A brilliant idea that may get out of hand

<voiceoverman>It seems our hero has had an epiphany after losing a day from drinking woowoo’s and dancing until the sun came back up, let’s see what the blithering idiot is on about</voiceoverman>

As you know, I do enjoy a swift pint (no laughing at the back) but after drinking woowoo’s, which are yummy but not a real beer then doing a stupid amount of dancing I’ve made a bet with one of my co-drinkers…

…Let’s not drink until next payday…

…forfeits will be enforced with an iron fist (may include tapas (and Owen having to enjoy it))…

Now if that wasn’t enough of a challenge to manup to I’m also doing it for breasts (Breast Cancer Care to be precise), so donate some money http://www.justgiving.com/beersoft/ before you start your sweepstake on when I fail at not being drunk until the 22nd of July

So buy a pint for boobies, you know you want to, It will make your pointing and laughing at me failing worthwhile.

And you thought I wrote some random twaddle during regular games of #homepub, when I’m fueled on cocacola things get abstract (you have been warned)

A hilarious story with a homo-erotic undercurrent (UPDATED)

I’ve changed my twitter avatar to a picture of me, rather than the all powerful Evil Edna, this has caused much discussion about how handsome i am, and if i used a body double, and some issues about national security regarding reveling my true identity…

My good friend Ned (http://twitter.com/theREALwikiman) had this to say:

Hey wanna hear a hilarious story with a homo-erotic undercurrent, involving YOU (and also me)..?

 Okay SO. Imagine this, ready? I was checking Twitter on my phone, and I saw you had a photo as your avatar.

I thought to myself, OMG, I’ve never seen Beersoft IN THE FLESH before, only that little cartoon graphic. So I went to profile..

..view and then clicked on your picture, so it filled THE ENTIRE SCREEN OF MY IPHONE, right? *Then* the baby started crying so I..

.. just locked my phone, as it was, and went to cheer her up. I forgot all about the ‘seeing Beersoft’s face’ excitement. UNTIL..

..later that night my wife said ‘can you get me X’s number’ so I opened my phone to reveal A FULL SCREEN PICTURE OF A MAN! #omg

Even though I hadn’t really done anything wrong, I basically felt like me wife had caught me watching pornography on my phone.

Good story eh? And one which is difficult to explain succinctly to your wife when she’s all, like, WTF is that picture of a man?

I mean, I know you aren’t naked in the pic or anything (well you might be I suppose) but can you imagine how it looked?

UPDATE:

Oooh I forgot another part of the story: just before I locked my phone, I thought ‘oooh, his hair is a bit like mine – goodness!’

this is the type of madness my cat has to put up with on a daily basis, please donate to the “Ned’s hot wife isn’t talking to him due to photos of an adonis on his phone” random romantic gift fund